Monday, July 1, 2013

Counting my blessings

credit: here

I got really upset yesterday, and I said some terrible things about God. Things I know I didn't mean, and I know He knows I didn't mean them. But still... infertility is a dark place and makes you crazy, frustrated, and very very sad. In this process, I can see where people lose their faith. I can understand why people stop believing. I get it. How can someone who loves you so much be so cruel? I said all of those things in a rant after I found out I was not pregnant. And then, I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of the fact I let those things come out of my mouth. Ashamed at the monster this whole thing has made me to be at times.

 When in fact, God did give me a blessing in June. I ovulated. It gave me hope. And today, in July, God has given me another blessing. I found out that I will be teaching 8th this year, not 7th. AND, it will be American history. That is the position I've always wanted. So, two blessings in a matter of two weeks!

 With that being said, I am going to try my best to count my blessings one at a time.


Leslie said...

Sometimes life gets really hard and we say things we don't mean to the people we love the most, including God. C.S. Lewis one time said that questioning was a way of growing closer to God, and I think sometimes anger can also eventually bring us closer to Him. It sounds like you've already processed through a lot already. Praying for you and your husband.

Patience said...

I am in your exact same boat. It is so hard to be happy for my friends who have babies, or are pregnant when it is something I so desperately want myself. I try and stay positive and remain hopeful but it is taxing. You are in my prayers.

Princesa3290 said...

There's a saying said that, there will be no rainbow without the rain... :)

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you and your husband. I pray that while your faith may be tested, you never give up hope.

Kathleen said...

I totally understand your feelings. Infertility is a hard , hard roller coaster and you are only human. I remember desperately wanting to be pregnant and was crushed when it didn't work. I wanted it so badly. Please keep the faith. It will work out for you!!! It will!!!

By the way, did you ever get your sandals, roomie?!? Lol



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