I got really upset yesterday, and I said some terrible things about God. Things I know I didn't mean, and I know He knows I didn't mean them. But still... infertility is a dark place and makes you crazy, frustrated, and very very sad. In this process, I can see where people lose their faith. I can understand why people stop believing. I get it. How can someone who loves you so much be so cruel? I said all of those things in a rant after I found out I was not pregnant. And then, I was ashamed of myself. Ashamed of the fact I let those things come out of my mouth. Ashamed at the monster this whole thing has made me to be at times.
When in fact, God did give me a blessing in June. I ovulated. It gave me hope. And today, in July, God has given me another blessing. I found out that I will be teaching 8th this year, not 7th. AND, it will be American history. That is the position I've always wanted. So, two blessings in a matter of two weeks!
With that being said, I am going to try my best to count my blessings one at a time.