Not so great news...

So, if you've been a reader of my blog for awhile, you know this. If you haven't been, my Mum has/had thyroid cancer. We don't know which have or had....we just want to know. geez. A little refresher, my Mum came back from Vegas 3 years ago really sick. I took her to the ER. They couldn't find out what was wrong with her. They did a CT scan and noticed a couple of nodules on her thyroid. She ended up just having a really, terrible virus, but the doctor still wanted to her to have the nodules checked out. She did. They monitored them, and if they grew, she would need to have a biopsy done in order to rule out cancer. They grew. Her biopsy came back inconclusive. The tissue they extract needs to be either all liquid or all solid. Hers came back with both. They recommended her thyroid be taken out. She went through surgery to remove it, and it was sent off to the lab. The lab results were that it was cancerous. However, your entire thryroid cannot be removed. Parts of it are connected to/or near to your vocal chords. She has taken radiation/nuclear medicine in order to kill off these remaining cells. This medicine/treatment she has to go through does terrible things to her body. Things I will not even mention on this blog; because, it's gross and painful and tiring for her. Her blood work results came back not so good in October. You can read about it here. And if you're a new reader, there are a couple of pics on that post in case you wonder what I look like IRL. Yes, it's true. I really do resemble the cartoon character in my header. Anyways, I have tried to stay upbeat this week, but it's just weighed heavy on me. Because, I, sometimes, feel alone. I carry the burden for my parents. They have no parents or any other children. My Mummy isn't on the best terms with her family, and I am the only she has to lean on other than my Daddy's brother and his wife. She is sad, hurt, and confused about why this had to happen to her again. It is my job to be strong, be her shoulder to lean on, and to be the one to make sure she realizes that she IS going to be okay, to make her feel better, to make her think she has it good that it could be way worse, to make her feel like she has hope, to make her feel like she WILL beat this for good. It's hard to have to carry it all by yourself. I can't let my Mums know I'm scared. I can't let her know that when I heard the news that I prayed and cried that night before I drifted off to sleep to dream about sugar plum fairies actually, I dreamed something was wrong with someone's ear, and it caused them to die. Morbid, I know. Last month if her bloodwork had been okay, she'd come back in 6 months. If in 6 months it was good, she'd come back annually. Well, it didn't. So, she waited and had her bloodwork done a couple of weeks ago. Her levels are STILL high. Now, we have to wait til the end of the month for her to do her blood work again. Her doctor has adjusted the dosage of her medicine again hoping that this will decrease them. If not, my Mums will probably have to go through radiation again. This blog is my outlet. This blog lets me visualize my thoughts. And sometimes, just looking at my thoughts makes me feel better. Now, that's it's all out there, I feel better. It just feels better....