dreading typing this...

credit: here

i wasn't sure if i wanted to put this out there. it's kind of personal. but then again, this little space is like a journal---just online and for all the world to see. no pressure. i know you all have been anxiously waiting for me to post the results of my test. just kidding... so, i'm typing this hoping one day i'll be holding my child and laughing at this silly post!

my test didn't go well. in fact, my test didn't go at all. the procedure isn't supposed to take more than 30 minutes. i was really nervous when i arrived. the nurse could tell and asked me if i looked on the internet, and i burst into tears. she reassured me it wasn't as bad and the radiologist said the same. to make a long story short, the radiologist poked and prodded for quite some time til finally he gave up. it felt like i was having my "annual" over and over and over again. Not painful, but not comfortable whatsoever. after the radiologist waved his white flag in defeat of the female anatomy, they called in an obgyn in from my group to come assist. they said this happens about once a year, and the obgyn said it happens more than you think. when the obgyn started working, it hurt! and, even then, he wasn't able to complete the test.

i was sent home after three hours. yes, that's correct i was sent home from the thirty minute procedure after THREE hours. the next step is supposedly to go into my obgyn next month and have them help, and THEN go back and have the test performed. i won't go into graphic detail about all of it. but, i was just devastated. i was already anxious and all worked up to have this happen. definitely a blow to already low self esteem when it comes to my infertility.

and the radiologist and nurse joked that everything i read on the internet was true since he failed. ha! it was slightly amusing and sad all at the same time.

we had cancelled our vacation to do this, and we DIDN'T even get the dang test completed. i'm hoping eventually we have our baby, and it will make all these awful things worth it.