Thursday, July 2, 2009

The Ex


Best friend that is. Have you ever had a friend that you were so close with, maybe lived with, shared good times and bad, shared secrets with, laughed so hard with them til snot came out of your nose, and so forth. I had one of those. We were different as night and day. She was a few years younger than me, but we became friends instantly after meeting. We eventually became roommates and best friends. We shared the same love for clothes and a good time, but other than that, we were very different. I am a very independent person. She is a very co-dependent person. She always has to be dating or have a boyfriend. I, not so much. She would be upset if she went more than two weeks without a date. Also, she's not the best at handling her alcohol either. Last year, she and our circle of friends just couldn't get along. Honestly, looking back, she was 25 and going through the quarter life crisis in my opinion. We've all been there, but we're through it. We tried offering her advice, and to no avail, it did no good. I just think our group and she were going in different directions. To me, friendships are like relationships. They require work and effort on both parts. All people need to be on the same page or recognize work that needs to be done. You need to be wanting the same things and wanting to go in the same direction. I think we all were heading South per se, and she seemed to be going North. It all came to an end last Summer, when we decided to dissolve our friendship. So, it's been about a year roughly since I've spoken to her. But, throughout this whole year, I've felt like I was back in middle school again. It seemed our circle and her circle just trash talk each other like no tomorrow. After awhile, I was just over the whole situation. I mean who cares. That was like a year ago. I'm almost 30 years old for pete's sake. You don't want to be my friend, nor I yours. Fine. No use in bad mouthing each other you know. We're better than that. This isn't 7th grade where I write bad things about you on the bathroom stall. I'm over it. I actually miss her sometimes. She was my roommate. We shared the same space. Some times, you just need a break when things get too crazy. Time to regroup and to start anew. Step #8 from Alcoholics Anonymous states, "Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." No people, I'm not an alcoholic, but I am a Christian. A newborn Christian that is. I was raised to believe in God, but my parents aren't overtly religious. I became Catholic on Easter, and my goal is to try to be a better person and a better Christian. I think and still believe that she owes me an apology. There was a lot that went unsaid, unexplained. But you know what, who cares who talks first. At the end of the day, while you lay your head on your pillow, it's only you and God. Whoever your God might be. It's about doing good things and being a good person. It's not about holding grudges. Maybe, that person is hurting. Maybe, you are the one person who brings a smile to their face, keeps them alive, keeps them facing their day. Well, my point in writing this is, yesterday, on the way to work. I saw my ex-best friend's car on the side of the interstate. She takes the same route to work as I do. I didn't stop; because, I was running late. But, for the next 5 minutes after seeing her car, I kept wondering, "What if she's not okay? What if she needs help?". When I got to work, I decided to bite the bullet and talk first. I messaged her and said I know it's been awhile since we've spoke, but that I saw her car and wondered was she okay and did she need help. I was so nervous. This girl used to be my best friend. I literally was nauseous thinking what if she thinks I'm an idiot. We haven't spoke or had any kind of communication in over a year. Finally, she responded that she thought her battery had died and thanks for asking. I replied that it was no problem and if she needed a ride to work to let me know since we don't work far from each other that I would take her if needed and I was worried. She eventually said that she had actually run out of gas and her father had brought her some and asked to catch up next week sometime. Regardless of whether or not the catching up happens, I finally feel at peace about the situation. I feel like when I go out now this tension will be gone, and the simple head nod or a small hello would be an olive branch. Those small gestures will be better than catty eyes and whispers; because, that's what girls do. Even though, I know my friend circle will probably not agree and probably would not have called, but I know that later down the road if I found out that something had happened to her, I would not have been able to live with the fact that I did nothing. I am learning being the bigger person is harder than being the bitter one.  

12 comments:

KK said...

That's so awesome!! You must feel worlds better opening up positive communication. And as you said, even if you don't actually talk again, at least your very last words to each other were kind. That says a LOT about your character!!

Blondie said...

I know how you feel. I am no longer friends with my ex-best friend. To be honest I never tried contacting her just because I don't want more drama to go down. I am like you and worry about her but some things you just have to be. Good for you for being an adult and still caring when most people wouldn't. It makes you a better person for it.

Practically Perfect... said...

I think you're right - it's much harder to be the bigger person; it's easy to bitter. Regardless of whether or not this girl apologizes, you'll be better off for trying to move on and be civil.

MJW said...

I loved this blog. It actually made me tear up for you! Happy tears for being the better person. I've thrown two of my friends out of my house before (1 was living w/ me)and we both patched things up. Time def. changes things! Good for you girl!

Rose Valentine said...

Amazing blog. :D

thepreppyprincess said...

Wow, what an amazing post, you are incredible Miss Belle. It is hard, but you are also very generous,, in your heart and in your spirit. Good for you.

Smiles at you!
tp

The Pink Chick said...

I love this post!!! I also applaud you for being the bigger person! You have such a sweet and giving spirit!

Prissy Southern Prep said...

What a great post. You did the right thing, and I am glad you shared this "life lesson" with us on your blog. I am glad you feel peaceful about the situation. There is nothing sweeter than peace. Good for you!

AVONLadyinSC said...

Sounds like you did the right thing by getting ahold of her. I went through a very simliar situation sometimes you just have to let someone go. Later on in life if they've made some changes it's a good time to see if the friendship can work out. Some just aren't worth saving..Love your blog definitely will keep reading :)

Jennifer said...

I am so proud of you! That takes a lot of bravery to call up an ex-bestie. I had the same best friend from childhood and senior year of high school she decided to ignore and cut me out of her life. It really devestated me! Last summer I knew she was in town and I called her up and asked her out to dinner to catch up. It was so hard, but I am so glad I did it. It made me so happy for where I am in my life and it gave me closure on the situation. Friendships really are like relationships! I am so happy that you made that decision. You have great character!

Lis said...

Oh sweetie, I am actually in the beginning of a break up with my maid of honor from my wedding. It's a long sad story and I like to think that I have risen above pettiness and called and emailed her but I'm scared that I have done something wrong. Everyone says I didn't, but you never know maybe she is just going through a crisis of some sort that I'm not aware of. Either way, it's killing me (like I don't have enough heartache and anxiety right now)!!

So I want to say thank you for writing this. It really made me feel better about my own situation and I hope that you really honestly do about yours. Good for you for calling to make sure that she was ok. You guys were friends at one point for a reason and I know that you don't want anything to happen to her!!

Thanks for the graphic on peace, it def. hit the spot. xoxo

Natalie said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have a friend who we were closer than sisters. She was my person. We had a huge fight & broke up. It was more painful than several break ups with boyfriends. It's been two years since we've last spoken on the phone. We recently started facebooking & texting, but no actual conversation yet.

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